Children with healthy attachments feel confident and trust in their caregiver to meet their needs. In many ways, healthy attachments act as a buffer to help children cope with negative life events. It is through healthy attachments that children feel comfortable expressing emotion, learn to view relationships as safe and view adults as helpful.

Imagine for a moment a child who wasn't fortunate enough to have learned these important life lessons. What if, as a result of early trauma a child has learned to hide their feelings and to not trust in relationships, or worse yet, fears them. The important thing to remember is that it's through feeling safe and protected within the early parent child relationship that we, and by "we" me mean everyone, come to view oneself and others as  worthwhile, trustworthy and safe.

Relationships are Key!

Promote an environment in which children/youth are provided with opportunities to develop relationships with key adults who are sensitively attuned to the child/youth's needs for affection. Engage in activities that bridge and promote within the child/youth feelings of connection during and after expected and unanticipated disruptions (e.g. recess, absences, reassignment).

Recognize the foundational impact early relational trauma has on a child/youth's capacity to
trust in intimate  relationships  with adults.   A  history  of transiency, maltreatment and  loss within the caregiving relationship can render a child/youth feeling fearful and vulnerable to further abuse/neglect at the hands of otherwise well-meaning adults.

Behaviors are Feelings that are Meant to be Heard

It's common that behaviours that were/are adaptive within the home environment may present as a liability in the classroom. Recognizing the role that emotions play in altering behaviour is a critical first step in making kind inferences and knowing how to best respond sensitively to a child/youth's needs. Remember, "average" IQ does not necessarily mean social-emotional maturity. Children/youth with a history of early relational trauma may present socially and emotionally younger than their same age peers.

Emotional Regulation is a Learned Skill

The ability to regulate our emotions is a skill we develop early in life through multiple interactions with our caregivers. Children/youth who experienced difficult  early histories may not have been afforded healthy opportunities to learn these skills, and as such, require practice co-regulating with trusted adults before they are in a position to regulate effectively on their own within the classroom.

We all know that we're not at our best when we feel overwhelmed with negative emotions (e.g. anxiety, fear, anger). Advances in neuroscience tells us that during these moments our cognitive abilities are impaired. The same holds true for our younger counterparts. Children/youth need opportunities and support to regulate their emotions before we can expect them to problem solve, discuss an issue or successfully complete schoolwork.

Before Growth Can Happen, We Need Safety

Children and youth with attachment disturbances need a "safe haven" to help them regulate their emotions and a "secure base" from which to learn new skills. Create with the child a safety plan that identifies "safe people" and "safe places" within the school. Look for early warning signs and implement the plan quickly when you notice that the child/youth is in need of co-regulation. Be sure to look out for both direct cues and miscues (e.g. forced smiles, fidgeting, lack of eye contact).

The reality of the classroom is such that teachers and EAs are sometimes not immediately available to provide 1:1 support. During moments of relative calm, and when the child appears regulated, develop and practice strategies with the child they could use in  the future as they await support from the "safe person" (refer to the ACES Emotional Regulation document for suggestions).

Build in opportunities to check-in with the "safe person" multiple times throughout the day. Children/youth who have experienced early relational trauma may have learned that it is not safe to seek support from adults. Developing a plan where adults proactively seek out the child/youth will not only help strengthen the relationship but will also go a long way  in helping the child/youth experience adults as caring, emotionally sensitive and available.

Be Kind, Supportive and Clear

Children/youth who present with a history of early negative life experiences rarely respond positively to being reprimanded. Such practices may awaken within the child overwhelming feelings of shame and abandonment. These feelings, in turn, may fuel behaviour within the classroom that is difficult to manage. Be certain to reassure the child/youth that the relationship remains intact while at the same time addressing behaviour.

Messages need to be clear and consistent. Speak to the behaviour you want to see rather than focus on problematic behaviour. Has the child/youth demonstrated that they are capable of demonstrating this behaviour in the past? How can we help him/her to develop that skill?  What are the steps?

Ensure that goals are small and attainable. Children or youth can be overwhelmed with multiple expectations and their past experiences may lead them to feel shame and failure more quickly then their peers. Through keeping goals reachable, the child/youth has opportunity to experience mastery and success.

Provide Structure and Social Learning

Provide adult support during unstructured times (e.g. in the hallway, lunch room and recess). A peer mentor may be helpful. Peer mentors can assist the child/youth with developing social relationships and can monitor the child/youth when adults are not readily available.

Children/youth who struggle with forming and maintaining relationships often lack basic play skills. These children/youth can benefit from learning skills within a contained environment under supervised conditions. Small groups are best. An adult leader (CYW, EA, or school Social Worker) could facilitate the sessions and provide the child/youth with constructive feedback. Be creative! Build on skills from previous weeks through role play, puppets, videos, stories, drawing comics, photography and/or verbal cuing.

Caregiver Connection is Vital

Caregivers play a vital role in helping children/youth feel secure and supported when separated. Message to the child/youth that there are ways for them to connect and plan for the same. This relationship is vitally important to the child/youth, regardless of how they present externally. Determine how the caregiver can be available to help support the child throughout the day (e.g. phone calls, letters etc.).

Consider using transitional objects that help remind the child/youth of their special relationship with caring and trusted adults. Ensure that the object is immediately  available to the child/youth at all times to help remind him/her of their connection while separated. Be certain that the object is meaningful to the child/youth and that the adult  and child/youth chose the object together.

Wording Matters

For children/youth who present with a history of relational trauma, receiving compliments and praise may unexpectedly trigger within them feelings of panic and fear.  As difficult as  it may be for us to imagine, gestures designed to promote feelings of trust, affection and connection may implicitly remind a child/youth of a history of abuse, neglect and/or abandonment within the caregiving relationship. Children/youth are largely unaware of the connection between their feelings, memories and behavior. All they know is that they suddenly feel bad.

Create with the child/youth a unique phrase, word or gesture that you can use to communicate praise and support for a job well done. The child/youth's perception of being reinforced (or lack thereof) may surprise you.

The Adults Need to Feel OK Too

This can be challenging and emotionally draining work. You can't be faulted if at times you find yourself feeling exhausted and overwhelmed after a particularly difficult day, week, month or even year!

Know that you can and do make a difference in the lives of these children/youth by offering them corrective emotional experiences. A multidisciplinary approach that promotes and advances treatment needs within and across the family, school and community is critical to instilling within the child/youth feelings of felt security within relationships.